Beautiful Walls
BEAUTIFUL WALLS (A LETTER TO THE GRIEVING)
A person story by Delahrose Roobie Myer on encountering grief...whilst I was still within the belly of the whale! Written and read aloud at the The Storytelling Adventure 2020.
Beautiful walls, textured bricks so organically beautiful. Similar to life. Hard lines created from soft wet clay, like ourselves from dust into form. Life is always evolving even when we think it isn’t, it’s that moment of clarity, a moment of acceptance, surrendering to the unknown form to come.
Beyond the wall to see takes time. “Sometimes you have to lose so much to heal deep wounds” including having circumstances drive away all you worked for, leaving your heart aching with holes praying each night life will return.
Sounds like a paradox doesn’t it?
Before I healed & alchemised my wisdom into nourishment, in these truthful moments I confess I honestly & naively thought I could shift through all my life changes without too much grieving. I thought I was so strong, until I felt so broken open that is. Then I was forced to face a very different self.
One I wasn’t proud of. One that carried so much shame for feeling too much most of the time, one who felt completely out of control with rage, one who never thought this would happen to me.
I had fallen apart, only to turn & bully myself, force, push & pull myself back together over & over again. I have embarrassed myself, I have been so raw at times I could hardly stand being in my own skin. I had been pushed away and I have pushed many away. I had become reluctant to be close to anyone not trusting their sincerity.
But what I have learned, is that no amount of pushing, forcing, sitting in therapy chairs talking /crying / at times laughing, can bypass the process. On other days my body would burn feeling pure anger, at times rage, leaving me totally bewildered, & exhausted. Now I have healed, surrendered and learned to realise nothing can speed up the passage of grief. It is a passage that lasts as long as it lasts.
I have also noticed that when I try to put on my game face, to go out be the person I really want others to see and know, suppressing it, only to feel worse setting self back further. Why? Well firstly because it’s lie, to be pushing before you are honestly ready. Grief is Grief! To heal we must move through our pain, or be revisited later in life by all the unprocessed suppression. Faith is the sister of justice.
We are in a time of awakening now. No cheating no avoiding. When the soul wants to purge nothing will stop it. The better choice is to freefall and surrender into the clutches until its grip can no longer hold you as your spirit transcends, rising up once more. A full renewal. This is the only way to deeply heal allowing the rotting decay to break you down into nothingness, allowing the emptiness of feeling so alone and naked within & without staring at your whole story as you have known it to be, now forced to watch it burn into Ashes and Dust knowing you cannot do anything, you cannot change it, you must stand and watch it fall away surrendering fully into the deeper knowing.
That your soul will once more Rise Stronger in a New Form. The old has gone, new life now beckons.
This is the way of the alchemist allowing the rotting to occur without interruption then and only then can you purify and take on new form.
Only then can you find the Gold within your Soul!
Delahrose Roobie Myer is a visionary, interior alchemist, designer, writer and astrologer. You can find her at https://www.delahrose.com/
